You Are Now a Hostage to Software

One banana. The machine CHIMES cheerfully, then SHOUTS in all caps: UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA. A 30-second short.

[0:00-0:06] PERFORMER scans a single banana. Places it in the bagging area. The machine CHIMES cheerfully, then SHOUTS in all caps on its own screen. SCREEN: UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA.

[0:06-0:15] PERFORMER leans in, reading the screen like it's a cryptic text message. PERFORMER (unsettled): ...What item? I have one banana. I am one item. We are the same. The machine does not respond. It simply waits, the way only machines that have already won do.

[0:15-0:24] PERFORMER waves an invisible attendant over, delivering a speech to an empty space where an attendant has not yet arrived. PERFORMER (pleasant, strained): Hi there! Yes, great weather! So, I placed the banana. The banana is here. It's a real banana. Can we go? A beat. Nothing comes.

[0:24-0:30] PERFORMER turns back to the machine, defeated, and gently pats it. PERFORMER (CONT'D): It's okay. We're leaving together. Both of us. SMASH CUT to black. SUPER: Ranked mediocrity for the modern web. END.

The banana is the whole argument. No other props. The machine never has to make sense; the performer is the one who breaks.